Often in life we encounter situations when other individuals make comments that outright offend everything we believe in. In an instant like this, it seems as if we have two options; bite our tongues or challenge the 'idiot' in a debate in hopes of making them change their views. The latter likely leads to frustration because the other person is hoping to achieve the exact same outcome on their end. That being said, in order to walk away from the argument without any hard feelings, both points of view have to be understood. This, however, is often easier said than done. What if there was a way in which individuals could actually understand another’s 'completely ridiculous' view on a subject? As a matter of fact there is—it is called The Pillow Method. The Pillow Method is a great communication tool that acts as a framework to guide individuals into considering different perspectives on given subjects. It does this by developing one’s empathy and “it gets its name from the fact that problems have four sides and a middle, just like a pillow” (Adler, Rolls & Proctor II, 2014, p. 82). The five different positions are as follows: I’m right, you’re wrong; you’re right, I’m wrong; both right, both wrong; the issue isn’t important; and there is truth in all four perspectives.
The Pillow Method is not carried out passively because being empathetic towards another person often takes work and effort. One study concluded that “empathy is often thought to occur automatically. Yet, empathy frequently breaks down when it is difficult or distressing to relate to people in need, suggesting that empathy is often not felt reflexively” (Schumann, Zaki & Dweck, 2014). This suggests that perhaps we empathize with situations that we feel deserve our empathy and choose to overlook situations that offend our own beliefs. Or perhaps we choose to be insensitive because we find other people's realities emotionally distressing. Despite the reasons why we might choose not to empathize, it is important to make the effort in order to realize that our own perception is not the only perception with merit.
The Pillow Method is an especially effective method of understanding someone else’s perspective in the nursing setting—whether it be the perspective of a patient or another colleague. Nurses constantly have to deal with people that have vastly different perceptions that could strongly contradict their own. While nurses, like all individuals, are entitled to their own beliefs, they have to remain unbiased to provide equal care to all. Empathizing and understanding the context of other individuals in the nursing workplace allows nurses to be better at “comprehending how someone could behave in a way that you originally found impossible to defend” (Adler, Rolls & Proctor II, 2014, p. 83). An example of a controversial topic you would see in the health care setting is abortion. Abortion "is a legal, political, and social issue that transcends many fundamental dimensions, including moral, familial, human rights, and the variety of world views that exist in contemporary society” (Hoffmann & Johnson, 2005, p. 162). Thus, it is a subject that people’s opinions vary greatly on, making it hard to understand someone else’s perception.The Pillow Method can help us, as nurses, to understand why others feel the way they do about topics such as abortion and to acknowledge that our opinions do not have more value than the opinions of someone else. Ultimately, it provides a way to empathize for other people, without necessarily accepting and agreeing with their views.
For an illustration of what the pillow method would look like in the nursing setting, please see the attached video on the right side of the blog dealing with the topic of abortion. After watching the video, argue what position(s) of the Pillow Method we should maintain in therapeutic relationships. Should we tell the patient that they are wrong and that they should listen to us as authoritative figures? Or should we simply tell them that their views are right even if we disagree? Also, consider whether your argument would differ or remain the same if you were having the conversation with an individual that you share a social, or close relationship with.
Adler, R. B., Rolls, J. A., & Proctor II, R. F. (2014). Look: Looking out, looking in. Nelson Education: United States.
CE Communications 2110. (n.d.). Pillow method paper. Retrieved from: http://faculty.weber.edu/sbthompson/pillow%20method%20paper%206.pdf
Hoffmann, J.P. & Johnson, S.M. (2005). Attitudes toward abortion among religious traditions in the United States: change of continuity? Retrieved from:
http://socrel.oxfordjournals.org/content/66/2/161.full.pdf
Schumann, K., Zaki, J. & Dweck, C. S. (2014, September). Addressing the empathy deficit: beliefs about the malleability of empathy predict effortful responses when empathy is challenging. Retrieved from: http://eds.a.ebscohost.com/eds/detail/detail?sid=7297c2da-66ac-4c7b-8b5a-83cf458b61e0%40sessionmgr4002&vid=0&hid=4105&bdata=JnNpdGU9ZWRzLWxpdmU%3D#db=bth&AN=97633809
